like a drifter going down the lonely road.......yeah - that is about how i feel. like i am drifting - not sure where i am headed, but hopefully i get there safely.
i am chugging along - one minute at a time with the eating. but, i know that i can do this.
on the other hand, i am trying to settle my son with his anxiety. it is awful tonight. last night he watched police chases with my brother, and tonight, i am paying for it! he told me before his tub that he saw a car turn into our neighbors driveway and he saw an outline of a person on the road. then, ten minutes later he said he saw a bright light by my other neighbors house. he was nearly hyperventilating about the whole thing. i know i don't handle it like i should because i get mad, and it doesn't help anyone, but it seems like it is always the same thing. i feel like my trying to help him through it doesn't help because then he questions me over and over again. three minutes later he will ask me if i am sure that what i said is true.
i also know he is no where near as bad as he was last year, but it is still there inside of him. i also know with todd not around that it is worse because he feels like if someone were to come i would not be able to protect the family. i am not sure how to help him......
i want to go and eat a whole bag of chocolate, and some macaroni and cheese. so, i will sit here and keep typing because that can keep my mind busy from thinking about the bad things i want to have and know that i shouldn't.
maybe it is time for myself to go to bed. if i go to sleep now, tomorrow will be here faster and that is one day closer to todd coming home.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, Monday!
Ahhhh - another weekend done and over with. we went apple picking and spent the day in burlington. it was nice to be able to spend the weekend with todd before he leaves - AGAIN!
I am trying to get back on track wihh the diet thing - today is another start. I am focused, and feeling good about it, so hopefully.
we are going to be going to germany in may for a show over there. what a learning experience for the kids! I am excited about it - just hoping by then I will be A LOT slimmer. although, i have come to realize that it isn't how fast you lose - it is always going to be a struggle for me - it is not puting a time limit on it. i can not tell you how many times that i have put a time on it - saying, "I am going to be this weight by such and such." never works! it has only taken me my whole life to figure this out! yeah, i am a bright bulb, huh? just kidding!
i had tomato and mozzarella for breakfast, and lunch will be a steak and veggies. dinner is chicken with dijon mustard cream sauce. a snack later on will be banana and peanut butter. this is the plan - here's hoping it sticks!
happy monday to all!
I am trying to get back on track wihh the diet thing - today is another start. I am focused, and feeling good about it, so hopefully.
we are going to be going to germany in may for a show over there. what a learning experience for the kids! I am excited about it - just hoping by then I will be A LOT slimmer. although, i have come to realize that it isn't how fast you lose - it is always going to be a struggle for me - it is not puting a time limit on it. i can not tell you how many times that i have put a time on it - saying, "I am going to be this weight by such and such." never works! it has only taken me my whole life to figure this out! yeah, i am a bright bulb, huh? just kidding!
i had tomato and mozzarella for breakfast, and lunch will be a steak and veggies. dinner is chicken with dijon mustard cream sauce. a snack later on will be banana and peanut butter. this is the plan - here's hoping it sticks!
happy monday to all!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
and so it goes
todd came home yesterday - it is nice to have him here. we have been discussing my going to rosemont with him next week, but i honestly do not want to go. i want to take the kids to orlando in march, and that would give us more days down there that we can spend. i think he is in agreement with me finally! (i hope)
slow news here at the jakuowski casa - believe me, i am not complaining!
slow news here at the jakuowski casa - believe me, i am not complaining!
Monday, September 21, 2009
juli's homemade mac and cheese
use small a 16oz box of small shell pasta - that is the best to use - the others seem to get dry. cook it in boiling water for the time given.
meanwhile, mix 2 cans of campbell's cheddar cheese soup, 1 1/2 tsp garlic powder, milk, and cheddar cheese together in a mixing bowl.
drain the pasta, and mix with the soup mixture. bake at 350* for about 35 minutes or until brown.
if you want, you can mix stuffing with butter and put that over the top before you bake.
enjoy!
meanwhile, mix 2 cans of campbell's cheddar cheese soup, 1 1/2 tsp garlic powder, milk, and cheddar cheese together in a mixing bowl.
drain the pasta, and mix with the soup mixture. bake at 350* for about 35 minutes or until brown.
if you want, you can mix stuffing with butter and put that over the top before you bake.
enjoy!
the dawn of a new week.....
Happy Monday to all! hope everyone had a good weekend. i took the kids to church yesterday. and i was exhausted at the end. the boys never stop touching amelia, and amelia never stops talking. of course, the bishop was there.....it is so much easier to have todd with me. i handled it grandly though!
the boys stayed at mom and dads for the day - toby suckered dad into buying him camouflage ski pants and a camo hat too at dick's. i must say, he is pretty proud of himself! Funny.
I am catching up on laundry and getting the house clean because tomorrow is tuesday, and todd comes home!!! we are very excited to see him. he is home for a whole week this time!
tomorrow toby gets his school pictures taken - since todd is not here and toby wants to wear a tie, i asked larry sims this morning if he would possibly so it for me. he said he would be more than happy to.
so here is my big sunday into monday news....i stayed on track with the diet. so far so good today too. i went to eat at friendly's last night with rei, chris, and irene, and i got a salad and steak tips. i did have amelia's monster mash sundae, but since i only had a salad for lunch, i am sure that it evened itself out in the long run.
the hard part is that i am making homemade mac and cheese for amelia since she doesn't seem to want to eat anything else. i am not sure how to stay away from that, but i did cut up cantaloupe and watermelon so all is good. i am also planning on having chicken and broccoli tonight for dinner. exciting stuff, i know. if i get a chance i will put my mac and cheese recipe on here. i came up with it on my own - it is yummy!
the boys stayed at mom and dads for the day - toby suckered dad into buying him camouflage ski pants and a camo hat too at dick's. i must say, he is pretty proud of himself! Funny.
I am catching up on laundry and getting the house clean because tomorrow is tuesday, and todd comes home!!! we are very excited to see him. he is home for a whole week this time!
tomorrow toby gets his school pictures taken - since todd is not here and toby wants to wear a tie, i asked larry sims this morning if he would possibly so it for me. he said he would be more than happy to.
so here is my big sunday into monday news....i stayed on track with the diet. so far so good today too. i went to eat at friendly's last night with rei, chris, and irene, and i got a salad and steak tips. i did have amelia's monster mash sundae, but since i only had a salad for lunch, i am sure that it evened itself out in the long run.
the hard part is that i am making homemade mac and cheese for amelia since she doesn't seem to want to eat anything else. i am not sure how to stay away from that, but i did cut up cantaloupe and watermelon so all is good. i am also planning on having chicken and broccoli tonight for dinner. exciting stuff, i know. if i get a chance i will put my mac and cheese recipe on here. i came up with it on my own - it is yummy!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
here we go again
so, we followed gail to her parents house yesterday after school. the kids enjoyed it a lot. they got a kick out of the apartment and her parents. i was sorry that we couldn't stay longer than we did. it was nice to see them.
we went to pick up todd - the airport was literally down the road - it worked out great. we made it right on time, but he didn't. there were 6 (!) planes that landed at his time, and his was the last one. it got tiring to try and keep up the excitement for amelia. "here's daddy's plane! here's daddy's plane!" "O, wait, no it isn't." Finally i just said, "look - here comes a plane!" it went much better.
she was very happy to see her daddy - although she plays hard to get with him - she seemed to forget that when she saw him and flung her arms around his neck and held on. then, she realized what she was doing and started saying, "mommy hold you!" it was funny!
we went and had a great dinner at the hotel - instead of having to wait at a restaurant forever down there. it really worked out great because there were only three other people there when we got there - it seemed like we had the restuarant to ourselves.
this morning we had breakfast and took the kids to toy's r us before we dropped todd off yet again at the airport. they all had a good time. amelia loved pushing a dolly all around the store in a stroller. too cute!
we had lunch at red robin (i want to keep calling it round robin - not sure why.) with gail and the boys. everyone had a good time. it was neat to try something different.
tomorrow morning is church - the bishop is coming. then, we will go visit mom and dad to take up some of the day, and then, we have to go to the grocery store and stock up on some things. then, back to hang out at home. it will be nice when tuesday gets here! we all cannot wait!!
we went to pick up todd - the airport was literally down the road - it worked out great. we made it right on time, but he didn't. there were 6 (!) planes that landed at his time, and his was the last one. it got tiring to try and keep up the excitement for amelia. "here's daddy's plane! here's daddy's plane!" "O, wait, no it isn't." Finally i just said, "look - here comes a plane!" it went much better.
she was very happy to see her daddy - although she plays hard to get with him - she seemed to forget that when she saw him and flung her arms around his neck and held on. then, she realized what she was doing and started saying, "mommy hold you!" it was funny!
we went and had a great dinner at the hotel - instead of having to wait at a restaurant forever down there. it really worked out great because there were only three other people there when we got there - it seemed like we had the restuarant to ourselves.
this morning we had breakfast and took the kids to toy's r us before we dropped todd off yet again at the airport. they all had a good time. amelia loved pushing a dolly all around the store in a stroller. too cute!
we had lunch at red robin (i want to keep calling it round robin - not sure why.) with gail and the boys. everyone had a good time. it was neat to try something different.
tomorrow morning is church - the bishop is coming. then, we will go visit mom and dad to take up some of the day, and then, we have to go to the grocery store and stock up on some things. then, back to hang out at home. it will be nice when tuesday gets here! we all cannot wait!!
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