like a drifter going down the lonely road.......yeah - that is about how i feel. like i am drifting - not sure where i am headed, but hopefully i get there safely.
i am chugging along - one minute at a time with the eating. but, i know that i can do this.
on the other hand, i am trying to settle my son with his anxiety. it is awful tonight. last night he watched police chases with my brother, and tonight, i am paying for it! he told me before his tub that he saw a car turn into our neighbors driveway and he saw an outline of a person on the road. then, ten minutes later he said he saw a bright light by my other neighbors house. he was nearly hyperventilating about the whole thing. i know i don't handle it like i should because i get mad, and it doesn't help anyone, but it seems like it is always the same thing. i feel like my trying to help him through it doesn't help because then he questions me over and over again. three minutes later he will ask me if i am sure that what i said is true.
i also know he is no where near as bad as he was last year, but it is still there inside of him. i also know with todd not around that it is worse because he feels like if someone were to come i would not be able to protect the family. i am not sure how to help him......
i want to go and eat a whole bag of chocolate, and some macaroni and cheese. so, i will sit here and keep typing because that can keep my mind busy from thinking about the bad things i want to have and know that i shouldn't.
maybe it is time for myself to go to bed. if i go to sleep now, tomorrow will be here faster and that is one day closer to todd coming home.
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