my nanny

So, for as long as I can remember my Nan was going to die. She was never going to make it to another birthday - hers or mine. She was not going to make it to my wedding. She certainly was not going to make it to see her great grandchildren.

Her life has certainly not been an easy one. She had three children within 36 months of each other. Boy, do I admire her for THAT! She was a widow when she was in her 40's. Remarried, and a few short months later had a heart attack and then a stroke - that was in her mid 50's. I can certainly say in all honesty there is no one I know who is more strong than her.

But, this time I am so afraid that this is her last fight. The real end of the line, and for the life of me I cannot come to terms with it!

She s my earliest memory - true, it isn't a good one, but it is of her nonetheless. We were at the old A&W drive in and he was not feeling well. She got out of the car and had a cigarette. I remember my mothe yelling at he to getin the car - we were going to take her to the hospital. (she was having her first heart attack.) I think I wasn't even 4.

I remember the year Todd and I got married - she had a bad hear attack and was air lifted to Burlington inthe DART helicopter - Todd and I drove up every night to Burligton to see her. I told her that she couldn't give up because she had to be at my wedding. She wasalways a fighter.

When I had Noah at 27 weeks, my mom brought her to Burlington shortly after I had him. My doctor was an Italian doctor, and she was so happy she shouted, "My Paisano!" I thought the doctor was going to fall over because someone could speak some Italian.

She certainly has not lost her sense of humor. The last time she was hospitalized before this she told us her dctor was a cutie! How can you argue with that?

I love Nanny. Not just because she is mine, but because of the lady that she is. She is a role model for love. She is a beacon of hope. She is light that shines when needed -ready to give love. She is funny and kind.

I am not ready to say good-bye. I am not ready to tell my kids that they have to either. She will tell you that she has had a good, long life - is it bad that I want it to last longer? I hope that if I am fortunate enough to live to 87 that I look as good as she does. Not a wrinkle lines her porcelain skin.

I guess I want to thank God for giving me time with her. For her love for me. I am fortunate to be a part of her, and I wil never forget that!